There are times in history where the world has paused and held its breath; D-Day, Cuban blockade, moon landing, etc. There are often greater darknesses than the ones we openly fight. There is darkness in a soul that has lost its way. The wars we fight are not against principalities and powers, they are against chaos and despair. All of life can be broken down into moments of transition or moments of revelation with there even being a single moment last year that I thought I had the feeling of both. The future is all around us, waiting to be born in those moments. We can never predict what the shape of that future may be or where it may lead; only that it often seems to be born in pain. It should not feel like one of those moments when you're in the passenger seat of a car, the person driving is doing something crazy, and your foot automatically keeps searching for a brake pedal that isn't there because you know something awful is going to happen.
One thing I've learned is that the truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment that one forgets to appreciate the smaller things in life; there really is nothing bigger. I've found that strength in friendships is very important and am blessed for some of the bonds I've created, but also realize that I have strained others, and for that I'm sorry. I want happiness and contentment for my friends, and even myself and cannot settle for less. Even the little Kiwi animation I found a month or so back really gave me a consideration of change. Some people will reach an aphelion many times in their life, but will they ever completely reach perihelion? It is like at the end of 'Point Break' where Bhodi's entire existence was just to lead up to that last final ride. Sometimes it may indeed be that society slowly kills the human spirit. If one wants the ultimate thrill, then they have to be willing to pay the ultimate price. I'd been so use to shallow things that I've neglected the deeper, more fulfilling ones. I am pretty sure I know what I want in life, I just need to find it and not get waylaid to the point where I expect everything to be the same and not allow for something different, or even significant.
As such, with a nod to tradition, I'm going to try to come up with resolutions that I hope reflect a new year. I've turned off comments since this is something I want to reflect upon myself for a little while.
4) Better organization. I think the accumulation of things that I might need, but never use, just becomes too much of a pain. Take the minimalistic attitude to apply at home.
3) Find a comfortable position between work and play. Put more emphasis in career goals and completion of assigned projects.
2) I've found that I've been a little disrespectful of friends when I spread myself way too thin and become more of an occasional contact than friend. No more HCS, period. With significant reflection and the observations of trusted friends, sometimes I've realized that things I've done are not who I want to be or who I think I am. (Thanks to JM, HJ, and CG for the reflections). Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life.
1) Join the 'just say it' club. Don't hold back letting someone know how you feel about them. Is it ever truly too late to say something? Yeah, it just might be, but time is circular, so maybe the moment will return. Don't just show appreciation for what people tell me, reciprocate in letting them know what I feel; whatever way it may be. This was the biggest regret I've had this year and in the past. I'd love to find a relationship of reciprocation, nurturing, and being in-sync; equal partners in a mystery.
“If we are to be who we are, and what we are; if we are to accomplish great things, then we must learn the heart's most essential rule: Never Surrender Dreams."
